every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
