Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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