While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
