I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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