i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
