i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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