Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
