I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How many fucks given?
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