Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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