I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
