i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
