addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
