$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We're too hungover to prance.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize