There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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