Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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