she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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