I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize