I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
