we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
