3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
