This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
