man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
