i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
