I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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