i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
