if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
