i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
