You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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