she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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