maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
