Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
