I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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