help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
