you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
