no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
