He passed out mid-signature
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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