my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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