it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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