My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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