I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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