I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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