i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
