Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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