If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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