Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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