I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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