I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
