I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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