How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
