I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
