Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
