too bad you live with your parents still
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
