If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
