it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
