Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
