I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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