In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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