My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
