Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
