Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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