Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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